Why Every Engaged Couple Needs Premarital Counseling (Even If You Think You’re Fine) — with Atlanta Marriage Prep

WRITTEN BY Dr. Kimberly Smiley, Atlanta Marriage Prep | FEATURE PHOTO BY Ashley White Photos

If that sounds like you, first — congratulations! It’s a great sign that you’re starting your relationship from a place of connection and peace. But here’s the truth: It’s not only struggling couples who benefit from premarital counseling. In fact, the strongest, happiest, most prepared couples are often the ones who actively choose to invest in their relationship before problems arise.

Think of it this way: If you were about to build a dream home, would you start pouring concrete without a blueprint just because the land looks solid? Of course not. Premarital counseling is your relationship blueprint and the intentional planning that ensures your love story is built to last through every high and every hard season.

Another metaphor I like to use with couples is this: Premarital counseling is to an engaged couple like personal training is to an elite athlete. You, the engaged couple, already have a foundation of skills. You got this far, right? Premarital counseling will fortify those strengths and build skills where there are opportunities to do so.

Here, I’m busting the biggest myths about counseling, explaining why “low-conflict” doesn’t mean “low-risk” and revealing what healthy, aligned couples gain from investing in premarital counseling before they say “I do.”

4 BIG MYTHS ABOUT PREMARITAL COUNSELING (AND WHY THEY’RE FLAT-OUT WRONG)

Let’s clear something up: Premarital counseling doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. In fact, many of the couples I work with say they’re in a great place, which is exactly why the work we do is so powerful. Let’s bust some of the most common myths I hear all the time.

Myth No.1: “Premarital counseling is only for couples with problems.”

Premarital counseling isn’t a last-ditch effort to save a relationship. It’s a proactive, growth-focused experience designed to set you up for long-term success. Think of it like preseason training for athletes. You’re already a good team. Counseling helps you become a great one.

Myth No.2: “We already know everything about each other.”

You probably do know a lot, but knowing your partner’s go-to takeout order and favorite show to binge is different from knowing how they process stress, how they want to raise kids or how they handle disappointment. Counseling opens up guided conversations you might not even know you need to have.

Myth No.3: “It’ll just be awkward or uncomfortable.”

Good counseling isn’t about judgment or finger-pointing — it’s about creating a safe space to grow together. And when it’s done well, it actually feels empowering, productive and even fun. Many couples leave sessions saying, “We didn’t know how much we needed that.”

Myth No.4: “We’ll figure it out as we go.”

This can be an OK strategy — until it’s not. I’ve seen couples who felt aligned at the start but found themselves in full-blown crisis a year or two into marriage. I always encourage couples to get their expectations out in the open now so they can work toward alignment before the wedding.

WHAT HEALTHY COUPLES GAIN FROM COUNSELING BEFORE MARRIAGE

When a relationship is going well, it can feel counterintuitive to bring in a third party. But counseling before marriage isn’t about fixing problems. It’s about building tools before you need them.

Healthy couples gain:

• Tools for good communication and conflict resolution
• Clarity on unspoken expectations
• Deeper emotional and physical connection
• A sense of teamwork and shared commitment
• Support to talk through the big stuff (before it becomes a roadblock)

Happy couples don’t avoid hard conversations. They just choose to have them earlier, and with support.

Most couples wait until something feels off before seeking support. But by that point, you’re working to repair damage instead of preventing it. You wouldn’t wait for your car to break down before you ever checked the engine. You take preventive steps — because it’s easier, cheaper and far less stressful than dealing with a crisis. Marriage is no different.

Some of the most heartbreaking situations I’ve seen come from couples who truly loved each other but simply weren’t prepared for the real-life stressors that followed the honeymoon period. Silent assumptions, mismatched expectations and a lack of tools can create distance fast. Waiting doesn’t make you stronger. It makes things harder. The sooner you invest in preparation, the stronger your foundation will be.

HOW PREMARITAL COUNSELING WORKS (AND WHAT TO EXPECT)

I often hear this from my premarital counseling couples: “We just want to make sure we’ve covered all the bases before taking the next big step into marriage.” I love to hear this! I have years of experience working with couples who are stuck in one crisis after another, plus years of studying the work of relationship experts like John Gottman, Janis Abrahms Spring and Emily Nagoski. So, to these couples I get to say, “I’ve got you covered!” I’ve done all the prep work for you and I know all the critical conversations you need to have while preparing for a life together. And, I’ll guide you through every conversation.

If you’ve never experienced it before, premarital counseling might feel a little mysterious. But it actually is built on guided conversations, skill-building and establishing a safe place to go deeper and uncover values, assumptions and hopes the might have stayed hidden otherwise.

In my practice, I use a research-backed, personalized approach that feels more like coaching than therapy. I like to think of premarital work as building templates: a template for conflict resolution; a template for providing support for your partner; a template for boundary issues, etc. We start with what’s already working and find opportunities to upgrade, expand and fine-tune.

THE EMPOWERING TRUTH

Premarital counseling isn’t about pointing out flaws — it’s about unlocking potential. It’s a way to say: “We love each other enough to prepare, be intentional and build something that lasts.”

The truth is, marriage is not a “set it and forget it” experience. It takes work and intentional effort. But premarital counseling teaches you how to do that work well, and helps you build habits that will protect your relationship for years to come. That’s not just smart. It’s empowering.

About the Author

Dr. Kimberly Smiley is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Atlanta. She developed Atlanta Marriage Prep, a modern relationship coaching program for engaged and newlywed couples. Known for her approachable, insight-driven style, Dr. Smiley helps couples build the confidence and communication skills to create a marriage that lasts. With more than 20 years of experience, she blends clinical expertise with real-world relationship wisdom to help couples go from “I do” to “we thrive.”

Atlanta Marriage Prep | atlantamarriageprep.com